It's OK To Take A Break
It’s Okay To Take A Break
by Megan West
I am a person that believes staying positive can be beneficial for getting through tough times. However, I also believe that there is merit in being able to have a moment to say, “Wow, this fucking sucks.” So let me take a moment to say that my 2019 really fucking sucked. I went into the year with goals to reach for pole, thoughts about buying a house, and trips planned to places I had never been before. I started off strong. I was going to classes regularly, saving money where I could, and focusing on my nutrition. Then life just went ahead and slapped me in the face.
The first roadblock that hit me in 2019 was my mom having surgery to have a brain tumor removed. I dropped everything and spent two weeks with her in the hospital and a rehab facility. In that time, I also had to cancel one of my trips which happened to be PoleCon. I felt sad that I had to cancel and lose out on some money, but I knew that there would be another PoleCon and I needed to give my mom all my support. Thankfully the tumor was non-cancerous, most was removed during surgery, and the only permanent change was some vision loss. My mom made it out alive, and I could breathe easy. After those two weeks, I was mentally and physically exhausted, but also ready to get back on track with my goals.
I decided to take the time I needed to give myself a break before jumping back into classes. After all, I had to catch up on the work I had missed, and since I left Columbia so quickly to be with my mom, my apartment was also a mess for two weeks. As much as I wanted to get back to dancing, I was just plain exhausted.
Right when it seemed that I was ready to get back to classes, life hit me again. My faithful car of 10 years was nearing the end of his life. I took Clyde to the shop and the repairs needed didn’t make financial sense for what the car was worth. So I started the process of buying a new car which turned out to be much more stressful than anticipated. Now with a new car payment and the lingering stress that my mom’s health could still take a turn for the worse, I cancelled another trip. This was also a pole trip where I had planned to compete. I told myself it was fine though. I could always go again next year.
Okay so NOW, my mom was fine, I was caught up on work, and I had new reliable wheels to get me where I needed. Now was the time to get back to pole dancing and get some much needed stress relief, but alas, ‘twas not to be. Now that my mental health was manageable, my physical health decided to betray me.
I still don’t know what happened and I can’t pinpoint a specific moment where I knew I fucked up, but one morning I woke up with pain in my hip. The pain progressed for about a month and a half and turned into excruciating pain all down my leg causing my foot to go numb. Throughout this month and a half I was going to different doctors, massage therapy, physical therapy (which sent me to the ER), the chiropractor, urgent care, and also trying miserably to work. The pain made me shuffle when I walked, and I was hunched over. I was just a cute little gremlin making her way around town. After all the appointments, it was FINALLY determined that I had a ruptured disc in my low back and surgery was the only option. At this point, I wouldn’t have cared if they said they had to cut off my leg. I just wanted to not be in pain anymore.
So now here we are post-surgery. No pain and back to mostly 100%. My mom is still doing very well with no new growth on her tumor and my new wheels have given me no issues. Now that I had a moment to reflect on how my year fucking sucked, it is time to move on.
What I learned this year is how to manage life. In the past I have really hyper-focused on pole dancing and made it my whole being. I was going to classes every single night and not listening to my body when it needed a break. I also wore myself out mentally when I compared myself to other dancers. This year I couldn’t do any of that because other priorities needed my attention. Part of me actually enjoyed the break and opportunity to come home from work and watch TV with my cat instead of scarfing down dinner to rush to get to class on time.
I plan to jump back into classes in January when my back has fully healed. I definitely won’t be as strong or as flexible as when I left, but that’s ok. Sometimes life throws us curveballs or we just get burnt out. It’s okay to take a break and refocus on what is important. You are not any less of a dancer if you have moments where you need to take a break for whatever reason. The good news is that pole is always going to be ready for you when you decide to come back.